Yessss! I am once again alone in the laboratory... Times like these make me ponder more on what's been happening in my life. I get to think more about my plans and goals as well as bum about the bad times I've had for the past few days.

At 23, I used to think I have achieved much already in life than most 23-year-old girls do. But if you really think about it, nothing has changed; I am still stuck in school, still can't earn my own money, and still can't move on in life. Simply put, I am nobody so I have no reason to think I am great after all. While my other friends have moved on into the world of professional work, here I am living in the world of school work with no job experience whatsoever.

Honestly, I can't wait to graduate from my post grad degree. This has been exhausting my energy for the past year. I literally have no time to meet up with most of my friends because I spend my weekends in the lab. It's like my world revolves around the four walls of the Sensors Lab alone. Argh!

Anyway, enough of my whining... let me get back to my lab work now before I get any more Bea Alonzo-ish dramatic.

Labels: whine

It's a mixture of confidence trying to mask rejection. It's a hybrid of wanting to please and being scared of a long-time-absence reaction. It's figuring things out on your own and knowing that there are loopholes you can not fill because you aren't good enough to do so, but still you push yourself to go on, trying to be the Einstein everyone expects you to be.

And when things are becoming more and more clear each day, thinking you've got things all figured out, you find yourself tumbling back to the point where it all started and you have no choice but to re-live the cycle that has scared you and has driven you to the dark corners of near-insanity.

Then you start fighting and hiding and showing that you can live with it all over again. You start blaming and coping and crying and moving forward without knowing if the cycle will go on, or somehow someday will come to a full stop because now you can tell it's a different story. Time isn't on your side. The universe conspires for your failure.

This is the shit I am in right now, and these are the shoes that I, only I, can fit in.

Labels: whine