Bleeding and Believing

Friday, September 28, 2007


*sabog sabog*

i am brain dead now. cant think. really.

it's 2:17 am. no light-bulb-moment. dang.


posted by Dorxie at 2:17 AM   [ 0 comments ]
Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Like Wine in the River, Like Citizens of the World

*this came in the mail...*

Harvard Law School 2007 Student Commencement Address by Oscar Franklin
Barcelona Tan (Philippines) .

Dean Kagan, Vice-Dean Alford, professors, classmates, families, and
friends. Let me first thank our tireless graduate program staff. They
were the first friendly faces who greeted me, told me which functions
offered free food, and what to do if you faint during your final
exams. Assistant Dean Jeanne Tai, Nancy Pinn, Heather Wallick, Curtis
Morrow, Jane Bestor, Chris Nepple, April Stockfleet: This year would
not have been possible without you.

But this goes to everyone: Thank you all for truly making us feel part
of this community. We LLMs became your fellow students after your
Salsa Party, Chinese and Korean New Year, African Night, and our
International Party.

To honor you, we took Europe by storm, winning in the inaugural
Negotiation Challenge, in the European Law Moot Court, and in the
Willem Vis International Commercial Arbitration Moot Court. Of course,
you truly become part of Harvard Law School when you're featured in
the Parody.

Not so long ago, Cambridge seemed a strange, unfriendly place
especially when I first saw Gropius. I went to John Harvard's with
the British, who began chittering in an alien language. I later
discovered it was actually English -- the real English. I complained I
was not used to cold, but a Saudi Arabian reminded me that you can fry
eggs on a sidewalk in Riyadh. An
Italian gave me tips on women because Italian men are the world's greatest
lovers, with the disclaimer that their style does not work on American
women. A Malaysian was asked to explain the religious significance of
the color of her hijab, or headscarf. She would answer: It had to
match her

Soon, we found that great substance that keeps any law school
together: alcohol. On New Year's Eve, a Belarusian handed me a glass
of vodka, but scolded me when I began to sip it. Sipping, he
emphasized, was not the Slavic way. I shared a Frenchman's champagne,
a Peruvian's pisco sour, a Costa Rican's pina colada, a Brazilian's
caipirinha, a Mexican's tequila, and a Japanese's sake. And apologies
to the Germans, but I learned how even weak American beer enlivens an
evening when you drink it with the Irish.

We found greater common ground: The Swiss complained about American
chocolate, the New Zealanders complained about American cheese, the
Sri Lankans complained about American tea, the Indians complained
about the lack of vegetarian food, and everyone complained that
American food makes you fat. An Austrian made homemade apfelstrudel.
A Nigerian made homemade fried plantains. The Pakistanis made a non
spicy version of keema, and I only needed eight glasses of water
during the meal. All the Americans had was Three Aces pizza.

As for me, I come from the Philippines, a former American colony best
known for Imelda Marcos's shoe collection. I remember being a six-year
old watching my parents walk out of our house to join the crowds
gathering to depose the dictator Ferdinand Marcos and form human walls
against tanks. I remember being a twenty-year old in a different crowd
deposing a different but equally corrupt president.

It was liberating to hear how a Chilean danced with crowds in the
streets when Pinochet was arrested. How the Chinese come to grips
with Tiananmen Square, while convinced that one cannot transplant
American-style government wholesale to Beijing. How life changed in
the former Soviet Union; how it was like growing up in a fledgling
Eastern European country. How a Pakistani discussed Musharraf's
assault on judicial independence
with a South African worried about Mugabe's own acts in Zimbabwe.

It was even more liberating to hear from a Korean prosecutor how his
country sent two former presidents to jail. How the Swiss have
preserved their tradition of independence and referendum. How Ghana
threw off
its colonial fetters and inspired a conscious African solidarity. How
a Bhutanese wants to help shape her constitution after her king
voluntarily gave up absolute power.

I cannot deny that our generation's issues will be complex, but I can
guarantee that they will never be abstract, not after having a
classmate who was an Israeli army drill sergeant, not after having a
Chinese classmate with a Taiwanese girlfriend, nor after having a
classmate chased by gunmen out of
Afghanistan. In fact, when George W. Bush's speechwriter visited, my
Iranian classmate introduced himself, "Hi, I'm from an Axis of Evil

Friends, my most uplifting thought this year has been that the more we
learn about each other, the more we realize that we are all alike, and
the more we inspire each other to realize our most heartfelt
yearnings. My single most memorable moment here came when I met South
African Justice Albie Sachs, left with only one arm after an
assassination attempt during apartheid.

My classmate stood up and said: "South Africa is the world's second
most unequal country. I come from Brazil, the world's most unequal
country, and I admire how the South African Constitutional Court has
inspired the progress of human rights throughout the world."

And this is how Harvard has changed us. We recall struggling with
English to keep pace with the world's most brilliant professors,
especially with Elizabeth Warren's Socratic blitzkriegs, and we thank
Harvard for raising our thinking to a higher, broader level.

But even the most powerful ideas demand passion to set them aflame.
The passion we ignite today is fueled by a collage of vignettes that
will remind us in this crucible of life that our peers in faraway
lands face the same frustrations, the same nation building ordeals,
the same sorrows, and ultimately, the same shared joys and triumphs.

How do a mere 700 change the world, even with overpriced Harvard
diplomas? Before a great battle in China's Spring and Autumn Period,
the legendary King Gou Jian of Yue was presented with fine wine. He
ordered his troops to stand beside a river, and poured the wine into
it. He ordered them to drink from the river and share his gift. A
bottle of wine cannot flavor a river, but the gesture so emboldened
his army that they won a great victory. We of the Class of 2007 shall
flavor this earth, whether we be vodka, wine, champagne, pisco sour,
pina colada, caipirinha, tequila, sake, jagermeister, raki, Irish
stout, Ugandan Warabi, or Philippine lambanog.

Thus, my friends --and this includes our American classmates who will
soon lead the world's lone superpower -- let us transcend our individual
nationalities and affirm that we are citizens of the world. Maraming
salamat po, at mabuhay kayong lahat.*Thank you and long live you all.*


posted by Dorxie at 9:46 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Monday, September 24, 2007

The HATE List

...getting up in the morning.

...being late for an important meeting (I know, I know I am usually late. But believe me guys, I hate it when it happens).

...people who breathe down my neck. contact dermatitis. neighbor's dogs.

...animals in general.

...people who talk behind me because they aren't brave enough to tell me things to my face.

...the guy who dropped my iPod.

...the lock of our gate.

...Britney Spears when she does her gulong gulong on the floor thingie (Okay, I hate her. Period.).

...guys who don't mean what they say. recent out of town trip. crying skills.

...the Roxy swimsuits I can not wear. Boo. monthly bills.


...having to put up with a lot of people who would never understand.

...early morning phone calls.

...slow DSL connection.

...people who hate me. Quits lang.

...people who take advantage of people.


...the warm weather.

...the rain.

...blurred photos.

...alien stories.

...stop lights.


(Lifted from my blog in my Multiply account.)


posted by Dorxie at 3:58 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Sunday, September 23, 2007

You're worthy.

I was listening to Kitchie Nadal's cd when I came across this song. Really, really, really beautiful.

To Jess, for always keeping me sane...

I know where you are, you're behind the light I'm staring at, silently hiding. How could something so bright be so blinding? Painfully blinding.

I know I can't deny this world full of lies. But each time I close my eyes I see every knee bowed down to you. Heaven and earth conspire for your glory; so here I am, my Lord, I'm going to give my all, I'm going to give my all to you.

It's not hard to fall for you, just as much to fall away from you. You have suffered and died for me to gain life I never asked.

Reveal yourself to me. I want to bleed with you till THE DAY comes. I want to build my world around you with no inclination to fear reason, passion, desire.

Basta Ikaw.


posted by Dorxie at 9:30 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Friday, September 21, 2007

The shittest feeling ever.

It's a mixture of confidence trying to mask rejection. It's a hybrid of wanting to please and being scared of a long-time-absence reaction. It's figuring things out on your own and knowing that there are loopholes you can not fill because you aren't good enough to do so, but still you push yourself to go on, trying to be the Einstein everyone expects you to be.

And when things are becoming more and more clear each day, thinking you've got things all figured out, you find yourself tumbling back to the point where it all started and you have no choice but to re-live the cycle that has scared you and has driven you to the dark corners of near-insanity.

Then you start fighting and hiding and showing that you can live with it all over again. You start blaming and coping and crying and moving forward without knowing if the cycle will go on, or somehow someday will come to a full stop because now you can tell it's a different story. Time isn't on your side. The universe conspires for your failure.

This is the shit I am in right now, and these are the shoes that I, only I, can fit in.


posted by Dorxie at 1:44 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Monday, September 17, 2007


The past two months made me realize something:


Either they treat you bad, or they say the nastiest things in their desperation to see you fail.

Haaayy. Sore losers.


posted by Dorxie at 2:50 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Sunday, September 16, 2007


Am I the one who can make you fly up above?
Is it me who can take you higher than you're dreaming of?

- from a song by an old artist (wala lang...)


The best line I heard last weekend:

From Glen to Harris (on column packing for chromatography):
"Your column packing is not good, you packing bastard!"

Nice one.


posted by Dorxie at 12:50 AM   [ 0 comments ]
Saturday, September 15, 2007

Better but NOT OVER

I am feeling sooooooooo much better now.

Last week was one bowl of emotions. I had too much drama going on in my life. Hey, I sure can handle it, but it got to a point so over-the-top that crying seemed to be the only option. Had to be strong. Must not show signs of weakness.

Got to think about things. Had the chance to talk to people. Ranting and whining and raving and then ultimately finding peace. So yeah, I can finally say I am fine.

I am back on track, though I have something to say to those who plan to bitch-mode me:

1. If you don't have anything good to say, shut the fuck up.
2. The superrrr starrrr complex you have is what will make me haul you to Siberia.
3. Yeah, yeah, talk about me 24/7. What can I say? You love hating me. It's better to be talked about than not to be noticed at all.
4. Why would I give you happiness by obliterating myself when I can make you miserable just by existing?

I may be feeling better but that doesn't mean I am over it.

Watch out. I'm back to my feet.

posted by Dorxie at 1:47 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Thursday, September 13, 2007

Break Me. Fix Me.

I am probably at one of the lowest points in my life right now. Believe me, it just couldn't get any lower than this.

At one point, things were going so well. So nice, so smooth. Then in a heart beat, things got worse, everything was out of control. And now the situation I got in is so sticky that I couldn't pull myself out of it.

No, this is not the usual shitty angst on love. It's school. Thesis. Family. Scholarship. Money. Work. Material things. Relationships. Friends. Lab. Me. Honestly, I am just waiting for myself to snap any minute now.

Crap. I feel so low. I feel so broken.

I am leaving it to You, my Kuya Jess. If this is the only way to make me whole, then go ahead and break me more. And then slowly and gently put me back together again just the way you want me to be. I know you've got me in Your hands. I trust You.

Please don't give up on me as I am close to giving up on myself. You're the only thing that keeps me sane right now. I am a wreck without you.


posted by Dorxie at 1:46 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Can you tell that I'm bored?

This looks interesting to answer and I am soooooo bored and this is going to be long and you better read it because it took me years to answer it so go ahead and read it, reader.

1) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. What does it say? plump fingers nimble with a needle? What will he do with... (say wha? from Anita Shreve's Eden Close)

2) Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first? the TV

3) What is the last thing you watched on TV? I was watching Discovery, and it was about this chinese girl looking for her roots in China. Didn't understand anything though...(maybe because I kept on switching channels)

4) WITHOUT LOOKING, what time do you think it is? 1:00 am

5) Now look at the clock, what is the actual time? 12:53 am (i was close!)

6) With the exception of the computer, what can you hear? sound of the fan.. ooh, i love silence

7) When did you last step outside? What were you doing? this morning when i went to school.

8) Before you came to this website, what did you look at? my pictures in community webshots (which I can't seem to save and transfer here in multiply!!)

9) What are you wearing? Canada shirt and really very floral pjamas

10) Did you dream last night? Oh God. It's really very scary. I was being chased by something. Weird thing was, it all happened in Paris and Hollywood!!! That must mean sumthin!

11) When did you last laugh? just before my mom went to bed. I told her to kiss me and she did kiss me like crazy. hahaha (there I go again...)

12) What is on the walls of the room you are in? a Last Supper thing (yeah, you know what I mean)

13) Seen anything weird lately? my dream. oh, i forgot to tell you that it included gwen stefani in it.

14) Last movie you saw? Saving Private Ryan, shown in the shuttle on my way home

15) If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first? a new car

16) Tell me something about you that I don’t know. I am shy most of the time. Harhar

17) If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would it be? i would make our people love our country more. *sniff*

18) Do you like to dance? dance in the morning, dance in the afternoon, dance all night. who cares if i do it in the lab too? LESH GO ATE LIA AND VENZ!! Show them our Capoeira do Brazil moves!

19) Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her? Oh oh, I was just talking about this with Ate Pea. I want something Italian, like Bianca Nikkola (Gelo says it's more Russian)

20) [Same question for a boy] I don't wanna have a boy. Hahaha... will think about it next time

21) What was the last thing you ate? Blue skies spring onion

[::] Basic Info[::]

Your full name: Dorcas Manalangsang Crooc

Age: 21Age you act: I think I act my age most of the time. Maybe not sometimes...

Height: 5 feet 6 inches (yeah yeah!)

Natural hair colour: black

Hair colour: still black (i want it blue though)

Eye colour: dark brown (that's what my passport says!)

Number of siblings: 2, abi and jc

Glasses/contacts?: i have one just for porma purposes!! hahaha! genius-looking goddess..hahaha

Piercings: one in each ear

Tattoos: none.. and i dont want to have one

Braces?: nah

Right, lefty or ambidextrous?: right (in everything)

[::] Favorites[::]

Colour: it changes..right now it's HOTT PINK

Band: dishwalla, switchfoot, 311, red hot chilli peppers

Song: oh, a lot! right now: keith urban's you'll think of me, the cranberries' linger (from click), coldplay's the scientist

Stuffed animal: nah. i used to be allergic to them. so i never had one.

Video game: sonic in our old megadrive... gran turismo in our old PS...

TV show: america's next top model

Movie: a lot... but my all time favorites: Wicker Park, The Lakehouse, Forces of Nature

Book: The Catcher in the Rye.. a classic!

Food: right now it's Jollibee's mushroom burger.. but i love lotsa other foods

Flower: i can draw tulips but never seen one. are they flat, like the way i draw them? are they round? hahaha

Scent: bulgari BLV

Animal: (am famous for that line)

Cereal: honey stars!!

Website: hmm.. maybe blogger? coz that's where my blog is.. and multiply..haha

[::] Do You [::]

Play an instrument?: i tried the electone organ (woohoo!!), guitar, drums... i learned a bit but i ended up mastering the TRIANGLE..hahaha

Have a job?: nah.. full time student..

Have a cell phone?: yes, i feel naked without my phones.

Like to play sports?: not athletic. but i play badminton..

Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: next question, please.

Have a crush on someone?: ermm.. yep.. hahaha

Have any special talents/skills?: i have lots. hahaha...

Excercise daily?: who doesn't?! *hahaha* well, who does?

Like school?: love it. i never want to miss a class. but when i am in class, i think otherwise.

Smoke: Never.

Cuss: not really. my Lola told me over and over not to cuss... so i didnt.. *masunurin kse*

Drink: haha..just like my brother abi..

Like to sing?: yeahSing well: hahaha... i want to think I do!

Sing in the shower: all the time...

Believe in yourself: I DO. nuff said.

Want to go to college?: finished college already... m struggling with my master's

Want to get married?: yes.. but not in 5 years' time

Want to have children?: yes... probably 2 girls.. okay fine, a girl and a boy...

Get along with your parents: yes. my mom is SUPER. she's darna and more. My Dad's moody but we still get along.. he's also SUPER OC.

Get along with your siblings?: i do, i love them but i dunno if they love me. hahaha... kiddin!!! they gotta love me, i gave them havaianas for their bdays!

Think you’re popular: i have lots of friends. =)

[::] Can you [::]

Sing the alphabet backwards?: nope.. why would i bother..haha

Speak any other languages?: i used to speak cantonese because we lived in hong kong for a while, but then i forgot the language after 10 years..stupid me.. i learned german in college. i speak fluent Filipino and english.

Go a day without food?: tried it. it isn't good.

Stay up for more than 24 hours?: yeah.. studying for freakin quantum mech and phy chem in college then go straight to class to take the exam... i study just before exams because that's when i am most effective...

Roll your tongue?: yes i can

[::] Have you ever [::]

Snuck out of the house?: nah. my dad would know. he's NEVER a morning person.

Stolen something important to someone else?: never

Cried over a girl/boy?: hahaha... Sheila? George? Anna? please answer this question for me

Kissed a random stranger?: yes.. it happens for SHALOM most of the time..haha DWTL junkie right here

Hugged a random stranger?: for SHALOM too

Been in a fist fight?: nah..oh, maybe when i was a kid.. i tried fist-fighting abi.. then i learned that abi's a guy and i am a girl and i will never get into a fist fight ever again

Been arrested?: nah

Done drugs?: nah

Had alcohol?: yep

Pushed all the buttons on an elevator?: i did coz I was bored. then i realized that's really a stupid thing to do...

Kicked a guy where it hurts?: no. because i know it hurts. hahaha

Been in love?: i guess..

Broken a bone?: hell yeah.. i broke my arm when i was 4, i think! it was placed in a cast and all.. it looked yucky when the cast was removed..

Gotten stitches?: nah

Bitten someone?: hahaha.. abi. when i learned i cant fist fight with him, i started biting him!

Been to Niagara Falls?: nah but i wanna see it

Burped in someones face?: hahaha.. nah..

Gotten the chicken pox?: yeah when i was 7 or so..

[::] When was the last time you [::]

Last time you cried: the other night. thesis is hitting on me.

Last movie seen: saving private ryan nga

Last curse word said: hmm..shit?

Last time you laughed: a while ago when mom kissed me. we laughed like hyenas.

Last phone call: eds! about our greenhills spree tomorrow

Last song you listened to: keith urban's you'll think of me

Last annoyance: lunch time. sheesh..

Last IM: Ate Pea, about our business plans

Last weird encounter: the guy beside me in the shuttle!

Last person you hugged: mommy

Last person you yelled at: maybe ate lia? because we were clubbing and we cant hear each other so we were shouting

Last time you’ve been evil: hmm..i am not evil.. i am just petulant sometimes.

Last time you were sarcastic?: lunch time. because i got annoyed and i don't want that to ruin my day.

Last time you fought with your parents: with dad. last week. it wasn't a fight, just a lil arguement

Last time you wished upon a star: i dont believe in wishing upon a star.. it just doesn't make sense for me

[::] This or that [::]

Pepsi/Coke: sometimes pepsi, sometimes coke

Chocolate or vanilla: choklit!!!!

Adidas or Nike: nike apparel

Black or white: Pink

Rock or rap: a bit of both

TV or Movie: movie

Cash or Check: cash. definitely. oh. and CARD.

Chinese food or Mexican food: i like both

Summer or Winter: Autumn!

Snow or Rain: ive never seen snow and i feel sad when it rains. thus, none of the above.

Fog or Mist: mist!

Hugs or Kisses: both!

Cats or dogs:

Winter Break or Spring Break: we dont have that here. but spring break looks hott. haha

Spring or Autumn: AUTUMN!!

Clouds or Clear Sky: clear sky

[::] Friendship and Friends [::]

How many friends do you have?: lots and lots and lots

Have you ever lost a friend?: yes. it's sad.

Whats an inside joke between you and a friend?: hi MEE-AY. i am DARX. hahaha...

Do you miss any of your old friends?: yeah i do. miss them so bad.

Has a friend of yours ever died?: Yes. We miss you, Stephen.

What do you think your friends think of you?: syk says i am a bit bratinella (no syk, shen is bratinella.) some say i am funny. some say i am shy. but most of them say i am amazing. hahahah..jk!

Who is the Craziest: noemi

Who is the Loudest: sheila and teij!

Who is the Most Shy: kitt... but he's really not shy.. right kitt?

Who is the Blondest: blondest? u mean most kikay? Shen is. hahaha

Who is the Smartest: Hannah.

Who is the Best Personality: oh. almost everyone. teij, kat, eds, syk, shi, kitt. everyone. birds of the same feather make a good feather duster. bwahahaha

Who is the Most Talented: raffy.

Who is the Best Singer: me. hahaha...

Drama Queen: right now, it's Chris..haha..

Funniest: noemi!!!

Best person for advice: sheila

Dependable: teij, minay

Person you’ve known the longest: dianne mancita!!!

[::] Ahh love…and all thet Bullshit [::]

Have you ever been in love?: think so

Are you single?: right now, yes.

Do you believe there is someone for everyone?: no, i don't. i wouldn't elaborate on that. it's too.. erm.. i dunno. basta i don't. coz if u never found the person for you, does that mean there's actually someone for you but you just let that person go? no, right? coz if it's for you, it's for you. if the he didn't stay with you, then he isn't for you. oh, whatever.

What is your idea of the best date?: just simple. with lots of smiles in it.

How old were you when you got your first kiss?: hahaha... whoa.. mom might read this! hahaha

Do you think love is a load of shit?: love is love. it's hard, but u gotta deal with it.

What’s the best experience you’e ever had with the opposite sex?: when we have laugh trips.

[::] I [::]

am: frustrated with my thesis right now.

want: to graduate soon.

need: moolah and more moolah for my cebu trip nxt wk.

crave: for Kuya Jess

love: Kuya Jess more than anything else

hate: my nickel contact dermatitis thingie

did: promise Leah I'd pay her today but i wasnt able to. sorry leah!

feel: confused. thesis days will soon be over and m not even half done.

miss: the annoyed by: people who take others for granted

would rather: haul myself to siberia than talk to..*toooooot*

will always: try my best. In everything.

am tired of: having people breathe down my neck.

[::] Do you think you are [::]

funny?: sbi ni hannah, oo daw.

pretty?: not just pretty. am hott. hahahaha

sarcastic?: sometimes. when the need arises.hahaha

lazy?: suuuuuperrrrrr!

hyper?: sometimes... because i am lazy most of the time

friendly?: i think so

evil?: petulant. not evil.

smart?: i am alright. haha

strong?: looks strong but a real softie (according to anna)

talented?: yep yep

dorky?: maybe sometimes

[::] Finally, What is/are? [::]

Words you overuse: shieeeet...really?!...

Phrases you overuse: that's hott! hahaha..

Your first thought when you wake up: gawd, it's morning again?!

*whew! this was long!!*


posted by Dorxie at 2:27 PM   [ 0 comments ]

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