Bleeding and Believing

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Some random things about me.

1. I am named after a character in the Bible. My name actually means "gazelle" or "deer" (yes, the one with antlers). My name is Greek but has a Hebrew translation, Tabitha.

2. I used to live in Hong Kong, which explains why I love shopping (yeah!). I spent summer vacations there before actually deciding to stay there for two years. I never learned to speak Cantonese fluently though. But when I went back to Manila and got the chance to watch a Cynthia Luster movie, I can translate her words without even looking at the subtitles! *woohoo!*

3. I was always a part of a choir (school or church) during my younger years but I never joined any org that has something to do with music in college.

4. I am active youth in our parish youth ministry. Lector slash Dazer slash Volunteer.

5. My 18th birthday was Wild Wild West-inspired. I didn't wear a gown, instead I wore a Cowboy outfit (with a cowboy hat, yee-ha!).

6. I used to be a part of the college paper.

7. I was once a cheerleader in high school (yeah, those perky girls). In college, I joined the gallery pep and shouted school cheers for one UAAP season.

8. I feel sad when it rains.

9. I am an impulsive buyer.

10. I am not good in acting. You can never ask me to do a part in stage play but I love watching plays.

11. I can never watch a movie alone.

12. I love the sound of keys in my bag.

13. I have been looking for a CD by Rockwell Church for two years now. Looks like my only chance is the internet.

14. I nearly failed biology in high school. In fact, I never liked science and swore not take a science-related course. Guess what? Now I can't see myself anywhere else but in Chem.

15. I love the movie Edward Scissorhands. I had the biggest crush on Johnny Depp.

16. I used to think I can look at the sides of a photograph and see the side of what's on the pic. More like 3D, I guess.

17. My birthday is Cory Aquino's birthday. And Robert Boyle's too.

18. I told my brother when we were kids that I was Yellow Four in Bioman. He said he was Red One.

19. I broke my left arm when I was four.

20. I thought Ian Veneracion was adorable when I was five years old. God, was I crazy.

posted by Dorxie at 11:39 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Vanity is my favorite sin.

Of the 40+ students from my batch who will take the board on Monday, I am probably the only one who's up and blogging right now.

Everyone seems to be tensed and up tight. Why, then, do I feel so loose?

It's as simple as this: I don't put pressure on myself. I know my abilities and priorities. Period.


I felt the need to pamper myself this morning so when my mom told me that she will go to the salon in the aftrenoon, it was sweet music to my ears.

FIRST STOP. Grocery. SM Hypermart to be exact. Had to buy stuff. Teehee!

SECOND STOP. Salon number one to have our pedicure. I had my usual French tip, my mom thought it was so cool so she had her toes "tipped" too.

THIRD STOP. We then went to salon number two to have our hair cut (salon number one's stylist is not really good with hair cuts, I swear) and our eyebrows "threaded".

People say mom and I have the same toe nails. So here's a picture of how mom's toes looked before and how mine will look like in the future. Oh mom, those wrinkly toes at the age of 40+? Dang. (Left: Mom's. Right: Mine, with the flip flop tan lines)

And here's my new hair style. I love the bangs baby!

It was another bonding/kikay day for us. What can I say? Vanity is definitely our favorite sin. Bwahaha!


Exactly six days before the board. I shall have my last-minute-review-and-I-know-I-am-cramming-but-I-don't-care-so-go-bugger-off attitude.

posted by Dorxie at 1:57 AM   [ 0 comments ]
Sunday, August 28, 2005

I am crazy. Flip-flop crazy.

After months of waiting, my mock board exam is finally over. Thanks to that, I also found the time to go shopping this afternoon. I figured I had to take a break and make myself happy. I had to shop for flip flops.

I asked my mom to go with me to Glorietta because as what I have posted the other day, I am not good in making choices. I need someone to “second my motion”.

We got to the All Flip Flops store and it was incredibly crazy inside. They literally had to close the shop from time to time because a stampede was not impossible to happen. I asked one of the staff if we could go in but he told me we have to wait until someone goes out of the shop. Looks like Filipinos can’t wait to get a pair too.

We got inside the shop and Pam was right. I was in Flip Flop Heaven. I had lots to choose from, I didn’t know which to pick first. I really wanted Flash Hop but they only have Flash Way, so I made my way through a throng of people to get a good look of the many designs hanging on the wall. God, you could tell I’m excited.

I had a hard time deciding which one to buy. Good thing my mom was with me. She planned to buy Flash Way too but they don’t have her size in white anymore and she feels she will not wear it often daw. I was pushing her to buy because we have the same size, if she buys that means I don’t have to buy the same design because I can just borrow hers. Plus, she won’t wear it all the time, which also means I can partially own it (you know what I mean *evil laugh*).

Finally, I made my decision. I had to satisfy my thirst, my urge, my longing. Not one, not two, but three. Say hello to the new members of my shoe rack: (L-R) Havaianas Brasil (white), Trekking Estampas (lavender), and Floral (red).

I was so excited I had to wear the Brasil one to church. My sister wore the red Havs. Oh, and I have my eyes on my next pair. Gotta have it next week.

So there… I am just happy. So happy I can hug the world. =)


I received my mock board exam results yesterday right after the test. My exam score was fair, considering the fact that I didn’t study organic and inorganic chem much and I didn’t even read any biochem topics. I plan on using the whole week to review all the subjects for the board. I have to pass this. I really HAVE to.

Seven days before the board. =) Pray for me, please.

posted by Dorxie at 11:06 PM   [ 2 comments ]

You're worthy, Jess.

I was listening to Kitchie Nadal's cd when I came across this song. Really, really, really beautiful.

To Jess, for always keeping me sane...

I know where you are, you're behind the light I'm staring at, silently hiding. How could something so bright be so blinding? Painfully blinding.

I know I can't deny this world full of lies. But each time I close my eyes I see every knee bowed down to you. Heaven and earth conspire for your glory; so here I am, my Lord, I'm going to give my all, I'm going to give my all to you.

It's not hard to fall for you, just as much to fall away from you. You have suffered and died for me to gain life I never asked.

Reveal yourself to me. I want to bleed with you till THE DAY comes. I want to build my world around you with no inclination to fear reason, passion, desire.

Basta Ikaw.

posted by Dorxie at 11:05 AM   [ 2 comments ]
Saturday, August 27, 2005

Number one.

Yes, I chose choice number one. I went to school and did not shop for flip flops.

Honestly, I felt guilty. I don't think I can stand proud and say to everyone, "This is where your taxes go!" while holding up an All Flip Flops bag.

Unexpected things happened today in school. Professor number 2 started a new lesson but he did not give us our midterm results. He then dismissed the class early because he had to go somewhere so my class was finished at 8 pm instead of 9 pm. I went home early and had a chance to study for my mock board exam tomorrow. My friends did not meet in Glorietta as planned because everyone had a last-minute-work-to-do. So there, what happened today was a hybrid of choices one and two.


I feel numb. as in N-U-M-B. Organic chemistry is a killer! I swear if I meet Wohler in the after life I will dunk his head in a bucket of flaming aromatic benzene rings!

No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to master org chem. The thing is, I understand the topics when I read them but when I start answering the unit problems, that's where I start dying. I get things all mixed up and start to consider many factors before actually having a final answer. It's really really really hard, I swear. Whoever mastered organic chem is a god.


Eight days before judgement day. Yebah!

posted by Dorxie at 1:25 AM   [ 0 comments ]
Friday, August 26, 2005


I am not good in making choices. Especially when there's a lot to choose from. I always think hard when choosing but when I pick my choice, I always end up saying, I should've chosen the other one.

Today I have another dilemma. That is, whether to go to school or not(because i'm lazy lazy lazy and i want to shop for flip flops).

Choice one: I go to school.
I just finished my midterm last week so we probably don't have a lot of things to talk about today. Might just discuss the test questions or have a new topic. I don't feel like discussing the test questions but I want to know how I faired in the test. Having a new topic means professor number 2 is taking over, kailangan magpa-good shot. Haha! But the class is from 6 pm to 9 pm. That means I'd be home late (around 11 pm) and I have a mock board exam tomorrow. I'm not finished with the topics yet, which also means I will get little sleep tonight to cover everything. Dang.

Choice two: Go out.
Okay, it's 1:41 pm now. So if I study for my mock board exam till 5 pm, then go to Makati and meet up with my friends at around 6:30 pm, be home by 9 pm, study for the exam again, then I'm a happy bunny. Haha! A new pair of slippers, dinner with friends, and longer time for studying. But then I wouldn't know my midterm score and be absent in prof number 2's first class. Haaaay...

I have to decide really really soon. I hear myself leaning towards choice number 2...

posted by Dorxie at 1:48 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Tuesday, August 23, 2005


I am tired, dead-tired. I have been studying for weeks now. Honestly, studying is not my forte, not something I enjoy, not my hobby. I study because I HAVE TO and if i don't, I'm dead meat.

Students from other colleges around the university say that science students are nerds, studying non-stop. In short, no life.

Excuse me. We are not nerds, we just value education more than you do. The thing is, if we don't study we will fail and if we fail we repeat another year which means money is wasted. Therefore, we can not afford to fail, our parents would not be pleased. See, that's how important school is to us. And besides, more than 50% of our population are future doctors. Now, when you are 40 years old and you are suffering from a brain defect you wouldn't want your doctor to prescribe you the wrong meds right?

Oh, and not only that. We are the future chemists, psychologists, physicists, and actuaries. We play vital roles in the society. As a chemist, I do much research to contribute to a high quality of modern Filipino life.

I just remembered, I'm not a professional chemist yet. You may call me that 2 weeks from now. Haha!

Going back. You see, we study stuff that will affect human lives. And if we don't study well now, we will fail to do the job we are trained for: make my and YOUR life a hell lot easier.

I graduated from the College of Science already but I am proud to say I am developed by the"Science" way. And whatever habits I have now, it's because that was my way of life for the past four years. So even if i don't like to study, I know i have to because I need it. I have strong self conviction that I can go through this as I have gone through it many times before. Yebah!


Enough seriousness.

I'm too busy to shop. I have to check the All Flip Flops shop in Glorietta and have my green Havs replaced. I have to get a new pair soon! Oh, and i have to visit Power Books too. Dang. Gotta find time.


Countdown: Twelve days before being a chemist. Woohoo!

posted by Dorxie at 9:52 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Monday, August 22, 2005

Goodbye, Tsinelas.

Goodbye, my green butterfly Havaianas. I lost a pair of Havs. Not because I left them somewhere but because I can not wear them anymore.

I dreamt of this last night. When I woke up this morning I thought, Thank God it was just a dream. Then I started thinking of what to wear to school. Since I will be staying in the library the whole day, I can't wear my Havs because they're not allowed inside the library. The guard says they're tsinelas. But they're ultra comfortable and really very nice, anybody who owns a pair surely knows that. So I have decided to wear them on the way to school, just bring another pair of footwear in my bag, and when I get to the lib I will just change into my non-tsinelas footwear. I was even thinking of wearing white, so I could wear my green Havs, and a pair of jeans to go with it.

But NO!!!!! When I got out of my room, right behind our main door, the horrible sight caught my eyes. All the plans I had were washed away. I rushed to our maid and asked her what happened. She said when she went out in the morning to buy pandesal, she saw one piece of my Havs outside beside our dog. It appears that our dog had bitten off the piece till the strap broke.

A week ago, the same scenario happened. When my friend picked me up before going to a meeting, I was wearing my green Havs. But then I had to go back in the house because i forgot some important papers so i went back in and left my slippers outside (we normally do that because my dad is OC when it comes to house cleanliness). I was just gone for a minute and when i went outside, a piece of my slippers was gone! The dog (not mine, i never liked animals. It's my sister's and my dad's) took the right piece and started to bite it. Good thing he was just starting. I saved my Havs though there were some bite marks on the sole.

So I learned my lesson. I never left my slippers outside, you'll never know when the dog will be crazy again. But then i wonder how could it be possible for the dog to get one slipper when i left it inside the house last night? I guess the answer is lost forever. I slept early last night, around 9 pm. I woke up at 9 this morning and I will never know what happened in the 12-hour interval. My theory is that someone got in the house (my bro or dad) not knowing that the dog followed him inside. The dog suddenly got a good sight of my Havs, which looks so much like food to him, picked it up, went outside, and started biting it.

But this morning, it was meant to happen. The dog was meant to destroy it. And the thing is, he broke the same piece he had bitten off a week ago. So there, no more green Havs. I feel so bad because it is hard to find a pair that you really like. And i feel worse because this is the second pair I lost. One is the white Top Havaianas which my brother let his friend borrow. It was never returned to me though.

It's time to mourn.

posted by Dorxie at 10:01 AM   [ 4 comments ]
Saturday, August 20, 2005

God is the answer.

If God is the answer, what is the question?

None. Nadah. No questions asked. He just gives u whatever He thinks is right for you. If He brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

So true. =)



Today's Gospel talks about love for God and for neighbor as the two of the most important things in life. I agree. No matter how you put it, how u turn the world around, Love is the answer.

A year ago, i talked to this friend of mine and she asked me, "Do you think love is give and take?" A common answer to this would be a "YES". I found myself saying "no" instead. For me, love should be "give and give". You see, if you think that you should get someting in return for loving, then u shouldn't be loving. It's not profitable, believe me.

Love is something that should be given freely, unconditionally. Ponder on this:

Love till it hurts...
Love till it hurts some more...
Love till it hurts no more.

That's how Jesus loves.

Tama ba Dazers? yebah!


It's 2:something am. i have another midterm tomorrow and i am halfway through the test coverage. i have 3 more hours before leaving the house. 5 more hours before taking the test. but then, i don't feel like reading. suddenly i feel like taking pics.

i am cam-happy again. got my cam, tried taking pics of things i see around, including myself. it's no good. i finally switched my screen to media player. blue and pink filled my eyes. with no artistic abilities for tonight, i have decided to just take a pic of the screen. Not press print screen, i took a pic of the screen.

Dare you to move by switchfoot. God, i love this song.

posted by Dorxie at 5:40 PM   [ 0 comments ]
Friday, August 19, 2005

Caffein, caffein.

It's 2:02 am. not a single blink. thanks to my daily dose of caffein.

I read my posts from last year. oh, god. was i pathetic. i did not find any sense in me back then. well, guess what? i havent found it yet. harhar!


My chrom midterm was HELL. totally. of the six sections i answered, only 2 were answered with confidence. dang.

For the past weeks, i've been trying to organize my thoughts, organize my schedule, organize my life. but everytime things start falling into place, something always comes up to shoot my head. there's so little time and so much to do and i don't know which one to pick first. thanks to father jun for clearing up my mind. his words got into me and i know i needed it.

i figured i should take it one step at a time. enjoy every bit of it. enjoy things while they last. i HAVE to have fun. after all, life's party! gotta party hard. =)


i am lazy. i am lazy. lazy.

why am i lazy? nah... next time. m too lazy to think about it.


i have less than three weeks to go before the boards. 16 days to go. still 4 books and a thousand stuff to read. too lazy to move on. no, that's not it. i refuse to accept that. instead, it's this: i have too many things to do and it stops me from moving on. tsk tsk...


*sabog sabog*

i am brain dead now. cant think. really.

all i know is that: i love kuya jess. i love kuya jess till i-dont-know-when. i love kuya jess from the bottom of my hypothalamus (yeah anna!) and thanks to kuya jess i'm still sane.

it's 2:17 am. no light-bulb-moment. dang.

posted by Dorxie at 2:17 AM   [ 0 comments ]
Tuesday, August 16, 2005


ehem, ehem...

it's been 10 months since i last updated my blog. tsk tsk. very lazy...

not much is up. it's been raining really hard today and i had a pretty annoying adventure. i woke up around 9 am, planning to go to school early and study physical chem. then i realized i had to go to Landbank in Bicutan to check my allowance from DOST (it's a week delayed. u can say i'm greedy, but hey, we all need money.) the very thought makes me want to just go back to bed and sleep till my jess-knows-when.

so i got up, took a bath (water's cold. but i managed.), slipped myself in my favorite green nike ipanema shirt so that i could wear my new green havaianas butterfly with it (green baybeeh! i love green! i love havaianas!). i wore my new pants because i thought, hey it's a long day. i'll be in school till 9 pm so i'd wear something i wanna wear for 12 freakin hours.

the way to landbank bicutan was HELL. since it was raining all day, the market just right beside the bank gets dirty. as in DIRTY. and i had to pass through the market before getting to landbank. after 1000 years of waiting for my turn to check my account in the ATM, i finally got the chance to again see that i have no allowance yet. so i went in and cried for help.

*waited for more than 40 minutes*

a girl was kind enough to help me. she even called DOST for clarification. yadah yadah yadah... after much talk, i ended up going to DOST to check personally what happened to my allowance. oh! and it was lunch break already when i got there. nice timing! but a girl was nice enough to talk to me. and she told me i'll get it PROBABLY next week. we'll see! till then i'll have my armalite ready just in case something comes up. just in case.

on my way back to sm bicutan where i was supposed to ride the shuttle to manila, the heavens got mad and poured rain hard on me. i got my new pants all wet, my new havaianas dirty with mud, and my umbrella flying all over. so i decided to just go home and change.

can't beat the comfort of home. went online. searched for havaianas. checked friendster. searched for havaianas in ebay. searched for havaianas in brazil. the slipper's cheap, but shipping is a killer! came across a blog by a havaianas addict. thought i'll update my blog. then this. tadah! a new post! *such an achievement eh?!*


since it's been raining really hard in paranaque, i am considering to stay home. i talked to a friend just a while ago and she said it's been raining hard in quezon city. it's probably raining in manila too. the whole metro is flooded! dirty water is everywhere! risk of leptospirosis is high! i therefore conclude that TODAY IS NO DAY FOR SCHOOL. thank you.


4 more subjects topics to review. 4 more books to read. 2 weeks deadline. hundreds of handouts to read. many problem sets to solve. 24 days before board exam. 24 days before being a chemist. 24 days before being a professional scientist. 26 days before i rant or rave. 26 before results come out. 26 days before i haul myself to siberia.

nah... who cares about numbers? there's always next year. just in case. =)


still looking for havaianas. my feet are itching for a new pair. out of stock everywhere. the all flip flops store will open in september. so that's a lot of days from now. dang. can't wait.

i wish i'm in brazil then it would be easier.

posted by Dorxie at 5:48 AM   [ 1 comments ]

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